you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
