hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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