I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
