WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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