i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
