I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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