Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
