i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
