Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
