belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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