i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
