Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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