You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
