Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
