Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
