Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
