I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize