just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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