Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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