his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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