You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
