if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
