You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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