Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
