I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
