She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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