how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
