Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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