Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
