I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
