I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
