She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
