He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
