woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
