I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
