Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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