Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
