i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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