had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
