I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
