I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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