bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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