Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
