I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
