Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
