My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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