The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
