i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
