Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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