so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
