..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
