M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
