I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
